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The Longer Now

by Actor|Observer

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1.
Living loss to loss with only fear in between Waiting for the next rug to be pulled from my feet Let it go You can’t fear what you don’t know So make do and stop your grieving Just steel yourself It’s all you have and nothing else Oh, when everything is fleeting Oh, I never thought that I’d be this way Preemptive regret is a coward’s burden Rendered immobile by crisis aversion How long will I be like this? How long can one man last? Missing the moment before the moment has passed Try to make the moment last Let it go You can’t fear what you don’t know So make do and stop your grieving Just steel yourself It’s all you have and nothing else Oh, when everything is fleeting Oh, I never thought that I’d be this way Now I’m afraid that it’s too late Too late for me I’ve made my own purgatory Through worrying and ignoring The good in my life I can’t endure I tried to make the moment last But it’s slipping through my fingers Like the sand in the glass A constant reminder I have no control Let it go You can’t fear what you don’t know So make do and stop your grieving Just steel yourself It’s all you have and nothing else Oh, when everything is fleeting Steel yourself You can’t ignore Steel yourself Learn to endure.
2.
Spread Thin 05:12
I’ll stay awake Spread thin While the worms remind me, “No failure in my house” Where does it come from? When did I get so obsessed? Overextending myself again I guess I’m a neurotic mess Check my vitals Check my pulse I’ve got worms crawling through my skull And no matter how much I may try to let go It’s my failures that bleed through the most Running out of time again I’ll stay awake Just keeping busy ‘til my heart stops Spread thin Just spinning my wheels ‘til they fall off Nobody cares what you’ve got on your plate When all that will matter is how much you ate So I keep persistently stuffing my face But I’m missing the point And it all goes to waste Compensating for all that I lack For all of those years I will never get back I’m trying But it just feels like lying Hollow ambition Empty vision Empty life Distractions just to keep myself occupied At least I’ve got my pride, right? Falling out of reach again I’ll stay awake Just keeping busy ‘til my heart stops Spread thin Just spinning my wheels ‘til they fall off What if all I am And all I’ll ever be Is just a coward With hand-me-down philosophy All these years of playing scholar I haven’t learned a goddamn thing Are these shadows getting taller? Or am I just imagining? Another year has come to pass I expected so much more The holidays went by too fast So I nailed my feet to the floor.
3.
Absence 00:50
4.
I can’t take back a single thing that I have ever done So who is it for When I tell you time and time again How sorry that I really am? I mean it But is that ever worth a damn? I need it To selfishly relieve my shame It’s no use repeating Such words are self-defeating It was never about you anyway Trying to find comfort For lack of a better word You always said It’s better to beg for forgiveness Than ask for permission But that’s meaningless If I can’t get past all the guilt And the shame I can’t accept the helplessness of poor luck Because I don’t believe in giving up There’s always more I could have done In rejecting the concept of fate I welcome the burden of blame But it’s not the same It’s no use repeating Such words are self-defeating It was never about you anyway Trying to find comfort For lack of a better word It’s no use repeating Such words are self-defeating It was never about you anyway I’m just coping in my own way Never know what else to say Every single day You hear that word out of my mouth And it sickens me to say But I can’t help but let it out It’s a weakness It’s an impulse And I know I’ve worn it out I wish I could be stronger person Or at least a better judge Of what is out of my control So at least then I know It’s not my fault I’ll learn to forgive myself Some things are just out of our hands It’s no use repeating Such words are self-defeating It was never about you anyway I’m just coping in my own way There is nothing more that I can say I’m sorry For what it’s worth.
5.
She said, “Honey look at me… I can barely breathe” I said, “I know… I wish there was something I could do To relieve you of dark clouds” Oh, but timing is everything And we met in the calm before the storm Now every day’s determined by How the clouds form Oh, I tried to keep you warm But you needed so much more than I could offer you What am I to do? “Nothing,” she says, “This isn’t your mess” In fact, it seems that my presence Only brings her more distress And yes, I confess It’s not like I’m the best At putting one’s Mind at rest Plus, how could I compete With the sun Or the rain Or the snow Or the sleet? When these New England blues Just take hold of you They shake you down To the root Trying to get rid of you Don’t let it take you This home is all I know Don’t let it take you I can’t bear letting you go All the birds are heading south But stubbornly we stand our ground It’s always summer somewhere else So I can’t blame you for wanting out Oh, I tried to keep you warm But you needed so much more than I could offer you What am I to do? Oh, I tried to keep you warm Buried in the hope that I could comfort you Oh, but it’s no use She said, “Honey look at me… I’m not where I should be” Oh, I hope you find greener grass Wherever you go While I remain here trying To make mine grow.
6.
Presence 01:11
7.
Glass Eye 02:55
What kind of life is this? Just pull me out Head down Eyes dull White glow You’ve got a world at your fingertips That you’ll never know View life through a window The constant stimulus And the novelty is all we know Though it seems self-evident We can’t seem to resist We just give into it It’s too damn convenient What kind of life is this? Just flashing before my eyes Complacency has a new disguise Keep It coming We need more intake More excuses to escape Don’t wanna think about the ugly truth Don’t wanna think about our tainted youth Don’t wanna think about it Don’t wanna think I gotta find the strength to pull away But I keep getting dragged right back in Pull me in again Always all this glass between us. What kind of life is this? Just flashing before my eyes Complacency has a new disguise Always all this glass between us.
8.
Sun through red leaves Ribbons through the trees Trailing behind me Tracing where I’ve been Fled from the scene Only red rope tethers me The farther I go The harder it is To get back One foot in the grave The other still carving a path.
9.
Oh, how it sickens me To have to shake your hand Just to be met With your selfish intent And your ungrateful list of demands Thoughtlessness runs rampant Through your dull and shallow mind But it’s probably more comforting Than the shit that runs through mine Sometimes I wish I had your peace of mind Oh, to live without a care Must be so nice But I’m not satisfied And I know I’m not alone We’re not entitled to anything So, now what makes you think That you are any different? The world’s full of shit Why keep adding to it? That’s what got us here to begin with We are a reflex A gut reaction To the pitiful excuse of “Ignorance is bliss” People like you are the reason why People like us exist Sometimes I wish I had your peace of mind Oh, to live without a care Must be so nice But I’m not satisfied And I know I’m not alone Maybe I should thank you Because I can tell you this People like you are the reason why People like us exist. 


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released March 10, 2015

Recorded, Produced, and Mixed by Jay Maas
Artwork and Design by Alex Paul
All Songs Written and Played by Actor|Observer
Mastered by Brad Boatright
Additional Vocals on "Piece of Mind" by Jay Maas

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Actor|Observer Boston, Massachusetts

Actor Observer from Boston, MA have become a well-respected musical force throughout New England. Their dynamic sound and electric live performance are charged with a visceral sincerity and vulnerability that many audience members find refreshing in the current age of post-hardcore. Their newest album "Songs For The Newly Reclusive" may be their most powerful offering yet. ... more

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