The Longer Now

by Actor|Observer

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01:11
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credits

released 10 March 2015

Recorded, Produced, and Mixed by Jay Maas
Artwork and Design by Alex Paul
All Songs Written and Played by Actor|Observer
Mastered by Brad Boatright
Additional Vocals on "Piece of Mind" by Jay Maas

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Actor|Observer Boston, Massachusetts

Actor|Observer is a post-hardcore band from Boston, MA.

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Track Name: Steel Yourself
Living loss to loss with only fear in between
Waiting for the next rug to be pulled from my feet

Let it go
You can’t fear what you don’t know
So make do and stop your grieving
Just steel yourself
It’s all you have and nothing else
Oh, when everything is fleeting
Oh, I never thought that I’d be this way

Preemptive regret is a coward’s burden
Rendered immobile by crisis aversion
How long will I be like this?
How long can one man last?
Missing the moment before the moment has passed
Try to make the moment last

Let it go
You can’t fear what you don’t know
So make do and stop your grieving
Just steel yourself
It’s all you have and nothing else
Oh, when everything is fleeting
Oh, I never thought that I’d be this way
Now I’m afraid that it’s too late
Too late for me

I’ve made my own purgatory
Through worrying and ignoring
The good in my life
I can’t endure
I tried to make the moment last
But it’s slipping through my fingers
Like the sand in the glass
A constant reminder
I have no control

Let it go
You can’t fear what you don’t know
So make do and stop your grieving
Just steel yourself
It’s all you have and nothing else
Oh, when everything is fleeting
Steel yourself
You can’t ignore
Steel yourself
Learn to endure.
Track Name: Spread Thin
I’ll stay awake
Spread thin
While the worms remind me,
“No failure in my house”

Where does it come from?
When did I get so obsessed?
Overextending myself again
I guess I’m a neurotic mess
Check my vitals
Check my pulse
I’ve got worms crawling through my skull
And no matter how much I may try to let go
It’s my failures that bleed through the most
Running out of time again

I’ll stay awake
Just keeping busy ‘til my heart stops
Spread thin
Just spinning my wheels ‘til they fall off

Nobody cares what you’ve got on your plate
When all that will matter is how much you ate
So I keep persistently stuffing my face
But I’m missing the point
And it all goes to waste
Compensating for all that I lack
For all of those years I will never get back
I’m trying
But it just feels like lying
Hollow ambition
Empty vision
Empty life
Distractions just to keep myself occupied
At least I’ve got my pride, right?
Falling out of reach again

I’ll stay awake
Just keeping busy ‘til my heart stops
Spread thin
Just spinning my wheels ‘til they fall off

What if all I am
And all I’ll ever be
Is just a coward
With hand-me-down philosophy

All these years of playing scholar
I haven’t learned a goddamn thing
Are these shadows getting taller?
Or am I just imagining?
Another year has come to pass
I expected so much more
The holidays went by too fast
So I nailed my feet to the floor.
Track Name: Wax Apologetic
I can’t take back a single thing that I have ever done
So who is it for
When I tell you time and time again
How sorry that I really am?
I mean it
But is that ever worth a damn?
I need it
To selfishly relieve my shame

It’s no use repeating
Such words are self-defeating
It was never about you anyway
Trying to find comfort
For lack of a better word

You always said
It’s better to beg for forgiveness
Than ask for permission
But that’s meaningless
If I can’t get past all the guilt
And the shame

I can’t accept the helplessness of poor luck
Because I don’t believe in giving up
There’s always more I could have done
In rejecting the concept of fate
I welcome the burden of blame
But it’s not the same

It’s no use repeating
Such words are self-defeating
It was never about you anyway
Trying to find comfort
For lack of a better word
It’s no use repeating
Such words are self-defeating
It was never about you anyway
I’m just coping in my own way
Never know what else to say

Every single day
You hear that word out of my mouth
And it sickens me to say
But I can’t help but let it out
It’s a weakness
It’s an impulse
And I know I’ve worn it out
I wish I could be stronger person
Or at least a better judge
Of what is out of my control
So at least then I know
It’s not my fault
I’ll learn to forgive myself
Some things are just out of our hands

It’s no use repeating
Such words are self-defeating
It was never about you anyway
I’m just coping in my own way
There is nothing more that I can say
I’m sorry
For what it’s worth.
Track Name: It's Always The Weather
She said,
“Honey look at me…
I can barely breathe”
I said,
“I know…
I wish there was something I could do
To relieve you of dark clouds”
Oh, but timing is everything
And we met in the calm before the storm
Now every day’s determined by
How the clouds form

Oh, I tried to keep you warm
But you needed so much more than
I could offer you
What am I to do?

“Nothing,” she says,
“This isn’t your mess”
In fact, it seems that my presence
Only brings her more distress
And yes,
I confess
It’s not like I’m the best
At putting one’s
Mind at rest
Plus, how could I compete
With the sun
Or the rain
Or the snow
Or the sleet?
When these New England blues
Just take hold of you
They shake you down
To the root
Trying to get rid of you
Don’t let it take you
This home is all I know
Don’t let it take you
I can’t bear letting you go
All the birds are heading south
But stubbornly we stand our ground
It’s always summer somewhere else
So I can’t blame you for wanting out

Oh, I tried to keep you warm
But you needed so much more than
I could offer you
What am I to do?
Oh, I tried to keep you warm
Buried in the hope that
I could comfort you
Oh, but it’s no use

She said,
“Honey look at me…
I’m not where I should be”
Oh, I hope you find greener grass
Wherever you go
While I remain here trying
To make mine grow.
Track Name: Glass Eye
What kind of life is this?
Just pull me out

Head down
Eyes dull
White glow
You’ve got a world at your fingertips
That you’ll never know
View life through a window
The constant stimulus
And the novelty is all we know
Though it seems self-evident
We can’t seem to resist
We just give into it
It’s too damn convenient

What kind of life is this?
Just flashing before my eyes
Complacency has a new disguise

Keep It coming
We need more intake
More excuses to escape
Don’t wanna think about the ugly truth
Don’t wanna think about our tainted youth
Don’t wanna think about it
Don’t wanna think
I gotta find the strength to pull away
But I keep getting dragged right back in
Pull me in again
Always all this glass between us.

What kind of life is this?
Just flashing before my eyes
Complacency has a new disguise
Always all this glass between us.
Track Name: Disappearance
Sun through red leaves
Ribbons through the trees
Trailing behind me
Tracing where I’ve been
Fled from the scene
Only red rope tethers me
The farther I go
The harder it is
To get back
One foot in the grave
The other still carving a path.
Track Name: Piece of Mind
Oh, how it sickens me
To have to shake your hand
Just to be met
With your selfish intent
And your ungrateful list of demands
Thoughtlessness runs rampant
Through your dull and shallow mind
But it’s probably more comforting
Than the shit that runs through mine

Sometimes
I wish I had your peace of mind
Oh, to live without a care
Must be so nice
But I’m not satisfied
And I know
I’m not alone

We’re not entitled to anything
So, now what makes you think
That you are any different?
The world’s full of shit
Why keep adding to it?
That’s what got us here to begin with
We are a reflex
A gut reaction
To the pitiful excuse of
“Ignorance is bliss”
People like you are the reason why
People like us exist

Sometimes
I wish I had your peace of mind
Oh, to live without a care
Must be so nice
But I’m not satisfied
And I know
I’m not alone

Maybe I should thank you
Because I can tell you this
People like you are the reason why
People like us exist.